The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: March Madness For Wackadoos!

It's all about ME.

That's the theme as Sonja takes center stage. So, the Marriage Equality of New York (MENY) march asks Sonja to be the Grand Marshall? Is she really that big of a draw?

I mean I know I'm not their target audience but still, Sonja's a gay icon?

Oh, and in case you missed it, it's Sonja Morgan's special day. 

It's a scary, scary world when Kelly Bensimon is the voice of reason.

The ladies (and Simon) make fools of themselves. The wedding gowns look ridiculous as Luann's keeps popping open, Sonja wears a toga inspired number (perhaps this was her goddess impression) and Alex looks absurd as she bickers with everyone in her veil.

How could Sonja not let Simon speak? It's about gay marriage. Poor Simon wore his sequin rainbow tux. He took the jacket out of the closet. He'd like his opportunity now. "I like my men," says Simon. Yes, Simon. We never really questioned it.

Jill shows up sans wedding dress but she did bring her little dog for backup. As Alex tries to tell her all about the injustice done to Simon, Jill tears into Alex about last week's fight.

Not actually listening to anything Alex is saying Jill cries out, "Stop picking on me!" Maybe it's the voices in her head. Perhaps she borrowed them from Kelly.

And finally Sonja, the lone voice for marriage equality makes her way to the stage and gets to say something that's on her mind. Shockingly, we find out there isn't much there.

As this episode revolves around Sonja, we soon move on to her art gala. Her good friend Brian is painting her portrait. Upon seeing the sketches Sonja focuses on getting a virtual breast lift. "I'm sure you've noticed their kind of perkier." Looks like she's seeing something Brian isn't.

Then it's the big unveiling. Brian removes the sheet and…oh. Time to break out the polite smiles. So, Sonja thinks Brian adores her. I'm not seeing it.

My head is still spinning from Sonja and Alex's fight. Neither one can SHUT UP! Sounds like Sonja was intimidated by Simon's rainbow jacket and Alex had to defend her husband's honor. 

For once I agree with Luann. What was Alex wearing? Some sort of S & M bondage get up? When Alex was walking down the street talking on her cell phone I was afraid she was going to get propositioned…or arrested.

Cindy barely graced the screen and the rest of the ladies were all bit players in the Sonja / Alex saga. But the line of the night still goes to Ramona as she explains why she didn't invite Kelly to sit at her table. "Let's face it. She can be a wackadoo." 

Thankfully this show doesn't lack for wackadoos. Isn't that why we watch?

The Real Housewives of NYC Season Premiere Recap: The Glitz, Glamor and Snark Return!

The Real Housewives of New York City are back and time away has done nothing to heal old wounds. Perhaps if these ladies retracted their claws, it might slow the bloodshed. But then again, what fun would that be?
Bethenny Frankel has jumped ship to start her own reality series but Jill Zarin is still smarting from the loss of the friendship.
In true Jill fashion, she lays all of the blame at Bethenny's door, stating that her former friend is just one of the those women who no longer has a need for her girlfriends as soon as she finds a husband.
Ah, Jill. Nice way to take your share of the responsibility for the breakup.

Jill's losing friends fast. Alex and Jill just can't stay away from one another and Ramona keeps fueling that fire. Seems that Jill's good friend is enjoying throwing arch nemesis Alex in her path every chance she gets.
The new and improved Alex says her goal is to voice her opinions but it looks more like she's gunning for a fight. There's speaking your mind and then there's just being bitchy. I'm not sure Alex knows the difference yet.
Speaking of bitchy, Alex's little scene with Jill at the wedding certainly showed her spiteful side. Although Jill's explanation about being on an "honorary committee" sounded patently absurd.
Apparently it's a committee for people who care enough to lend their name but not quite enough to actually show up for the event.
How does Jill retaliate against Alex and Ramona? By dissing their wardrobe choices with other wedding guests. You've got to love pseudo high society.
The new girl, Cindy Barshop, is a successful entrepreneur and single mom to twins. Those babies were downright adorable and I love the matching Burberry outfits.
The art gallery fundraiser was just plain funny. Who decided that it was a good idea for all of the guests to take off their shoes and walk through paint. As Cindy pointed out, "There's like $100,000 in shoes here."  Her estimate probably wasn't far off.

How nice of Jill to notice that Cindy was feeling uncomfortable by her questions. Ya think? Hi, I'm Jill. I know we've just met but let me ask you all kinds of personal questions about your love life and fertility issues, and in a public forum no less. Oye.
And what was up with Simon's outfit? A plaid jacket and striped leather pants. Honestly, I wouldn't be seen with my husband if he dressed like that.
Does anyone else want to break it to Alex that her modeling gig is about her celebrity, not her looks? And was I the only one who found Simon leering at the pictures of Alex on the computer a little creepy?
Sonja and LuAnn's double date was simply boring. Brian was sort of cute but I wouldn't mind if I never saw Jacques again. Then again, I'll watch Jacques every week if I can avoiding hearing LuAnn sing this season.
We barely caught a glimpse of Kelly but it looks like nothing has changed.
The problem isn't hers, it's everyone else's. I'll miss her fights with Bethenny but I'm sure she'll find another target the next time she falls off the deep end. However she did deliver one of the best lines of the night when she talked about inviting Alex and Simon to the fundraiser. "I know that they'll come to the opening of an envelope." Too true.
Here we go with season four of all the glitz, glam and snark. Are you ready?