Please, No More Teen Mom Babies!

Come on, Teen Mom stars. Keep the legs closed already!
We're 91 percent sure this OK! Magazine cover story is BS, but given the girls' penchant for procreation and bad decision-making, you can't exactly rule it out.
The publication implies that Jenelle Evans, who doesn't even have custody of her son right now, is now expecting TRIPLETS. Pray it's not true, America. Pray.

Please, please, no.

It's rather unclear who supposedly impregnated Jenelle three times over, but whether she's getting it on Kieffer Delp or beating the ever-loving crap out of Britany Truett, Evans hasn't exactly shown that she thinks before she acts.

Basically, we doubt it's true, but it wouldn't shock us either. Knowing OK! and its track record, our bet is that it's Jenelle's sister who's expecting or something.

Meanwhile, Leah Messer and Corey Simms are allegedly trying to have a third baby of their own to save their marriage. Because that's always a surefire plan.

Finally, Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley have reunited ... for now. At the moment. Expect 911 calls to surface on THG by the end of next week if that's true.

[Photo: OK! Weekly]

New Jersey Lawmaker Calls For Anti-Snooki Legislation

Effing Snooki.
That's pretty much the attitude taken by a New Jersey State Senator who is not pleased about a fee given to the Jersey Shore star (a.k.a. Nicole Polizzi) to speak at Rutgers. So not pleased, he's trying to pass a law to prevent an encore.
State Sen. Joe Kyrillos doesn't think Snooki is worth the $32,000 speaking fee she earned to dish on GTL at the state-funded school. His remedy?

He wants students attending public colleges to have the right to opt in or opt out of funding entertainment such as this by instituting mandatory activity fees.
Last week, effing Snooki was paid $2,000 more than the $30,000 Rutgers will play Nobel-winning writer Toni Morrison to deliver the commencement address.
The Republican lawmaker says he's certain there were many Rutgers students who were uninterested at best or "flat out outraged" at worst by Snooki's fee.
We're guessing he won't be watching Snooki's Jersey Shore spinoff.

Jersey MORE: MTV Confirms Pauly D, Snooki-JWoww Spinoffs

MTV today announced that the network is set to build upon its smash hit Jersey Shore by giving the green light to TWO spinoffs slated to air in early 2012.
Paul “DJ Pauly D” Delvecchio will get his own series, while Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Jenni “JWoww” Farley will team up for the other with 495 Productions.
Both begin production later this year after Jersey Shore Season 4, the filming of which was just pushed back due to permit, contract and scheduling issues.

AWWWW YEAH! Pauly D's got his own show, yeah.

No one has more swagger, one-liners or more distinctive hair than DJ Pauly D. Set to air for 12-episodes, the as-yet-untitled series follows Pauly D’s jet-setting and often hilarious life on the road as one of the country’s most in-demand DJs.
Aiming to become one of the world’s most successful and recognized names in music, viewers will get to see Pauly D chase his dream, with the help of some the best friends he grew up with in Rhode Island by his side.

Meanwhile, viewers will get to see how Snooki and JWoww deal with life and love when the vacation is over in a 12-episode series of the ladies' very own.
Always inseparable and ready to get the party started at the shore, the locale may be different this time, but the friendship is sure to remain the same.
Are you stoked for even more Jersey Shore? Or has it jumped the shark with the announcement of these spinoffs? Or have you always hated it so hard?

Snooki Drops the HAMMER on Wrestlemania Foe

As Snooki's WWE debut proved, she didn't step into the ring just to get tossed around and pummeled like some punk b!tch. Her encore effort? Equally strong.
Girl unleashed serious black-flippin', ass-whippin' action on her Wrestlemania foe this weekend, crushing a supposed wrestling star with her pint-sized fury.
Michelle McCool got a butt-full of the Snook Monster, who put her cheerleading background to good use, leaving a stunned McCool senseless on the mat.
That's when the Jersey Shore star delivered another acrobatic move to pinned her opponent down and seal the victory. Watch the 4'9" firecracker's dominate:

 
Snooki on WWE Wrestlemania